Dear Jesus, a somber prayer this morning, for a friend whose mother passed away Tuesday night. My mother and I got to visit her last week.
My fingers have paused over the keyboard, and I'm really not sure what to type next...
As I looked at my friend's mother, I felt as if I were looking again at my daddy as he spent his last days in the bed fighting a valiant but losing battle with cancer. I could not help but thinking - then as now - that perhaps the medical heroics which allow us to remain here on earth sometimes aren't a good thing, as we try to hold on to something of which we're finally meant to let go.
My friend's voice was almost lilting - I'm sure she knew that she had to be the positive and hopeful spirit that she and her mother both could share. Yet having stood in her shoes a bit two years ago I am sure it hid a lot of sorrow - sorrow from not only losing her mom, but sorrow from fearing that this was the way she would have to remember her.
The stare that goes off into the distance without seeming to focus. The words in response to simple questions that are ill-formed, and the breath that launches them just a whisper.
Movements are slow, and often painful, and you'd give anything to take that pain onto yourself and off your loved one.
But you can't.
Pain shared, it's said, is halved.
But I think for someone taking care of a passing loved one, it's really doubled, as you carry your own, and try to shoulder theirs.
I had lunch with a friend yesterday in a similar situation, an illness that seems to move in an almost motionless crawl, taking away bit by bit the soul and spirit of someone with whom he has shared his life. He, too, tries as best he can to put on a strong face, with the ever-ready 'it is what it is.'
But in his eyes there is a sadness, because 'it isn't like it was.'
And likely won't ever be again.
Another friend has a mother in a similar situation. And still another is taking care of an eighty-year old father.
The bedridden remind me of my own daddy.
Those taking care of them have to become angels, with little advance notice, and only on-the-job training.
And they remind me of my momma.
So, as I do when the emotions of others seem to ride upon my own, I have to string some words together bound by rhyme. At moments like these, it's the best I can offer.
--
The Long Goodbye
You were there, and then you vanished
Bit by bit I watched you leave
Out a door you can't return thru
Like a dream I can't believe
And I wear a frozen smile
Upon a heart that only grieves
All the vibrant colors fading into gray
Lay beside you when it's bedtime
Where no secret e'er can hide
Let me bathe you, let me feed you
I will never leave your side
Dry your tears when you are weeping
When the two of us have cried
Neither knowing any words that we should say
Tender kiss upon your forehead
Though the river still runs deep
Comb my fingers thru your hair
As I watch you fall asleep
I will share with you a secret
If you promise not to tell
It's the long goodbyes between us
That I never do too well
It's the never-ending silence
I find hardest now to bear
When the words are seldom spoken
And can't echo anywhere
I just try to keep things moving
While you're pacing here and there
Not sure of where you are or where you'll go
Something stole you like a jewel
From the gift box in my hand
Now I hold an empty locket
Every pearl turned back to sand
Never sure just what you're thinking
If I'd even understand
Like these thoughts of mine that you can never know
All the pictures bring back mem'ries
All the letters that you wrote
They're a song that now is fading
To its soft and final note
I will share with you a secret
If you promise not to tell
It's the long goodbyes between us
That I never do too well
Every day becomes another
Every moment still the same
Hope my face is still familiar
Hope that you still know my name
And it seems the picture's gone
And I'm left holding just a frame
That still must find a place upon the wall
I still love you true as always
As the seasons pass away
Wish that I had always told you
All the words I didn't say
Every flow'r too soon departed
From the gardens where they lay
Greens of summer slowly changing into fall
There's no promise to be broken
Long ago I made a vow
All the love that we had then
It still is good enough for now
I will share with you a secret
If you promise not to tell
It's the long goodbyes between us
That I never do too well
Let me bring you extra blankets
Put a pillow neath your head
One two three - let's lift together
Help you sit up in the bed
I'm not sure if you could tell me
Just the last word that I said
When the air hangs heavy now with my own chatter
Are you stronger here this morning?
You don't answer; I can't tell
I'll cling tightly in the darkness
To a prayer to make you well
Let the hope become acceptance
Ringing clear as any bell
I am with you now, and that is all that matters
Let me kiss you ever gently
Let the river still run deep
Let me once more now caress you
Let me watch you fall asleep
I will share with you a secret
If you promise not to tell
It's the long goodbyes between us
That I never do too well
--
Jesus, strengthen and comfort the caregivers today with extra grace and patience. Honor their commitment and sacrifice.
Amen.
