Jesus, it's been a big day. It's funny how good news in one direction is able to offset five bulletins that went south. But I am very grateful today, thinking the end is finally coming into view in the current episode of 'where do we go now?'
And just typing that question reminds me of the time a large number of your followers left the fold after hearing some particularly pointed teachings from the itinerant preacher from Nazareth. You turned to the twelve and asked, "Are you, too, going to leave?" And Peter, probably with no small amount of uncertainty in his voice, and probably after looking in the eyes of the other apostles, said almost sheepishly, "Lord, where would we go?"
And then, as if to let his own ears hear his own voice take a position upon which he might have been wavering, he added, "You have the words of life."
Peter's question, a commitment hidden in surrender, keeps me coming back to the recovery groups I am in after slipping all too frequently into darkness, disappearing into the black holes where I hide until you come looking to find me. Peter's question keeps me coming back to scripture, constantly interpreting and reinterpreting what's written there into what the words really mean, repeatedly having to face tough questions about what is true and what is misguided in all I've been taught through the years. And, like Peter, I offer his question when my own sin tempts me to fall away like those that decided following you carried too high a price.
I'm more like the one who hangs at the edge, wanting desperately to believe the empty promises of voices outside the circle, yet desiring just as much to move closer to where you are.
I scan the fence line when others aren't looking, hoping to find a point of escape. But I hear Peter's voice, still resounding after all these years, "Lord, where would I go?"
Today, I'm going nowhere.
Amen.
